why?
because they were a little bit young
because their hearts were stronger than their heads, at least in Peter's case
because when they had no money they used to hide behind the sofa when the landlord came round
because of the way Carl used to hold Peter's hand when they hid, because he was a bit scared after all
because Peter used to blow all the money on marshmallows and cheap gin
because Carl would only pretend he minded
because Peter got lonely at night
because sleeping seperately was the only thing Carl was adamant about, and that only lasted a few weeks
because of how Peter's skin felt on Carl's, even though Peter was fast asleep
because Peter loved to sing The Smiths on a monday, and Suede on a tuesday
because Carl eagerly awaited those days, even though he'd never tell
because Carl couldn't cook to save his life, but tried hard for Peter
because Peter always loved whatever Carl cooked him, simply because Carl had had some hand in it
because Carl could only think about how much he loved Peter at 3:16am precisely
because Peter was even more fragile than everyone thought
because he was one of the many who thought they were stronger
because Carl blocked it out and refused to think
because of how hot Peter's tears were at night
because Carl couldn't cry
because they went back to sleeping seperately
because Carl pretended to be relieved and joked about the space
because when Peter wasn't there next to him, he cried for the first time
because Peter would never tell him he heard him whimpering
because Peter would blow all the money on skag
because Carl missed the marshmallows
because Peter gave himself to the internet and to the fans
because Gary and John tried hard to stabilise it all and keep them going
because eventually Peter ran out of chances
because Peter would always have a chance with Carl
because Peter's hands grew cold without Carl's in them
because Carl cried every single night, hugging his pillow tightly
because it didn't have a heart, but it was something to hug
because Peter tried hard to make it on his own
because Carl couldn't take it any more, even though he hated clichés
because Carl found Peter again
because he found him just in time
because it was in the most public place
because the house lights were up and everyone could see
because of how wide Peter's eyes were when Carl took that step onstage
because they seemed to kill Carl
because of how Carl was exactly the same as before, only a little sadder and thinner
because that only made it easier for Peter to hold him
because Peter honestly thought his heart would break
because he was so glad it didn't, even though he secretly hoped Carl would heal it
because they still have no money, after everything
because Peter kissed Carl, even though he'd hoped it'd be the other way round
because in the end it was the best way
because Carl didn't care about what everyone would think
because Peter got a job in a bookshop
because Carl blew all the money on marshmallows and cheap gin
because Peter loved that fact
because Peter threw his laptop into the Thames
because their hearts were stronger than their heads
because if it was the other way round, they would have broken their hearts, and each other, forever
because it's forever now, in an entirely different way
